Together alone - not lonely by chance

First in seven nights not sharing the bed with a head full of alcohol or accompanied by someone. And it's okay. Having such a great time, feeling good in my mind and concurrently guilty in my heart for not being able to help that certain person who gave me all the love all my life; I'm simply not in the position to help, it makes me teary and even tearier.

The only thing to deal with all this situation is to gather all the strength and warmth of the lovely people surrounding me most of the time. I am so incredibly thankful, even (or especially?) for the one spending the nights with me.

And I'm even thankful for being able to bundle all my enormous hate. I'm dealing with that my own way and one day will come when I do what I have to do.