Saturday, 2003-08-30, 07:36:52 pm, somewhere

Did not write for some weeks now; was busy all the time - well, I still am. Lots of work, even more trouble here and there and again work and trouble. Can't tell I was unhappy the last few weeks, 'cause I never thought about being probably unhappy. I was just too busy getting and keeping my stuff working.

Well, it was a very strange and finally unhappy day today. Today, my parents moved from their house to a new one, just about 700m down the street. Although I left my family's house years ago, it still was kind of "coming home" when I got there. I spent many years there, I fought many fights with my parents, I watched my sister growing up, it was my damn home! The place I could always get to, when I was in trouble or need of anything. I loved that place, I loved it!

The new house is great, sure it is! But it is not the place I mostly grew up. It is not the place I invited my best friends to. It is not the place we had the greatest parties. It is not the place I had my first sex. It is not the place, I know better than my own appartment. And even worse: it is not the place, I'm moving in, I just helped my parents moving in and completely moved out of the old house at the same time. They moved over, I finally moved out. Crazy.

I'd have many things to tell, if I had any idea of what I should think about.

Ever thought of having your brain being emptied?

Richie Sambora says:

Seems like hard times come easy
We do a lot of hanging on these days
But the heart finds a reason
And love always seems to find a way
Even if it hurts

Well, hard times come easy, pretty sure. But where're the reasons, where's the way and when does it stop to hurt? And why the hell do I have to ask my damn heart for the reason? Why can't I just ask Mr. Google for my answers? He knows everthing, he even has to know those answers for my damn simple questions!

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Kid Rock has another story to tell:

Up and down that lonely road of faith
I have been there
Unprepared for the storms and the tides that rise
I've realized one thing, how much I love you
And it hurts to see, to see you cryin'
I believe we can make it through the winds of change

God is great indeed
If you believe, in the everlife
Yeah we gotta
Make some sense of the pieces that we find
And if you just hold on, I wont let ya fall
We can make it through the storms and the winds of change

Though I walk through the valley of darkness
I am not afraid
Cause I know I'm not alone

And if the wind blows east, would you follow me
And if the wind blows north, would ya stay your course
And if the wind blows west, would ya second guess
And if it blows to the south, would you count me out
And if the sun don't shine, would you still be mine
And if the sky turns grey, would you walk away
Would you say I do, if I say I'll be
And walk this road through life with me
You know I love youuuuuu

On this lonely road of faith
On this lonely road of faith

Comment on that:
Faith's great and I'd love to love. But can you love a thing that constantly hurts your brain and heart? I am afraid and I feel like being left alone by my Gods and I feel empty and lost and just like being on a lonely and faithless and neverending road to nowhere.

Well, I assume: nowhere must be right beside hell.